Can we give Sarah Palin a little island to rule over for a few years? We'll make it into a reality show on Fox and call it Palin Nation. I mean, any vice presidential candidate who praises Kid Rock for his pro-America values and common sense really needs a trashy show.

ETA: THIS IS NOW MY FAVORITE VIDEO EVER.

Tonight i was craving cookies and milk so bad. I have cookies from Trader Joe's that i bought last week, but they were a little stale. My choices were to either continue sitting around in my underwear or walk to the market and buy cookies and milk.

After an informal poll, the unanimous answer was to sit around in my underwear (some people were swayed by the sitting around, others were swayed by the underwear). Unfortunately, my craving for cookies won out and i decided i needed to get some sweets. But did i really want to put on pants? I was so close to just walking out the door in my boxers, but that would be wrong. I cursed the fact that i have no bathrobe, however, i do have some pajama pants!

I slipped those on and my checkered Vans were on my feet and i was ready to go. I went to the kitchen to check the staleness of my cookies—they're hard, whereas before they were chewy. I checked the refrigerator to see if there was anything else to drink. MILK. Sitting on the top shelf was a nice hefty carton of milk. Bless you, roommate for buying milk before leaving for Yosemite so you wouldn't be around to see me drink all of it and replace it later without your knowing.

Oh, and there was a break up last week, and a freak out over the weekend, and i ignored my mother's calls and she left me 6 (SIX!) voice messages, and my CEO told me how to do my job today, and i had beer at the pub tonight, and soon i will have milk and cookies. Today turned into a good day, i gotta say.

In case you haven't heard, i said goodbye to Lola the albino walrus last week and welcomed Winona Ryder to the family. Then 24 hours later, Chelsea vomited all over the back seat. But she (Winona) is clean now and the smell is gone (or else i am used to it) and she is shiny.

Some things i miss about Lola:

• center armrest
• ability to crush cars smaller than mine
• 6 cylinder engine
• sometimes-accurate compass and thermometer
• cruise control

But Winona is a sexy little tart, so i am happy. None of you guys ever pictured me in an SUV anyway. But i must say, having such great gas mileage doesn't work out in the end when i drive twice as much.

Recently, i had a dream that woke me up at 5:25 and kept me awake for a while before i could forget and fall back asleep. I thought this would be short, but it ended up being not:

I was at my old high school, though it didn't really look like my old high school. It was dark out, and we approached a large steel beam tower, kind of like a pylon—tall, but not so tall that i couldn't clearly make out the top of it. Probably about 100 feet.

I had my teenage nephews with me and i was telling them about how this tower had different kinds of spiders in it that did different things depending on the type/color. Just then, a half blue/half red spider walked out. It was hairy, and large enough to be able to have its colors made out. I recognized this as a dangerous type of spider and urged the boys to get out of the way of the spider when it jumped.

We positioned ourselves away from the direction it was aiming, and it crawled around to the other side, but when it jumped, it landed directly on my arm.

I woke up and quickly threw the blanket off me, brushing my body and legs with my hands to make sure there was no spider on me. In the dark of my room, i thought i saw a spider perched atop my blanket pile, but managed to calm myself down enough to just lie back. I couldn't decide if i wanted to have the blanket back on me for fear that the spider would be nestled inside, but ultimately deemed it necessary as a shield from spiders that existed outside the blanket.

Sometimes i look like Rotten Robbie.

Oh yeah, this happened on friday and i totally forgot in the hectic mess that was my weekend: i finally got made permanent at my job and will start receiving benefits as of the 1st of next month. I get to go to a doctor about my varying ailments!

Back in college, i remember being in the dining halls with Lucas and getting a hamburger at least twice a week when no other food appealed to me. They had the halls set up buffet-style, so you'd go in and take what you want on a tray and plates.

One day Lucas asked me, "Why do you always get the vegetarian burgers?"

"What?" i responded.

I argued that i couldn't possibly have been eating the vegetarian patties, they tasted so good. They looked better than the other patties and they had sauces on them. They were delicious. Apparently i was wrong the entire time. The ugly dry looking patties were the meat ones; the teriyaki/barbecue/whatever sauce patties were and always had been vegetarian. But damn if those weren't the best dining hall hamburgers i'd ever had.